The big question
Now, here I am, sitting on a bed outside the house on the veranda. Wrapped in a blanked and wearing my Swiss army jacked, because it’s cold. Listening to the sound of heavy teardrops falling from the crying sky, thundering on the leaves of a palm tree and splashing into the pool. People are in playing pool at the outdoor-bar, kept dry by its roof, or lie in hammocks on the veranda. Many have retreated to their rooms and sleep. Not knowing what to do with the day or recovering from yesterdays hangover.
Now, here I am, sitting on a bed outside the house on the veranda. Wrapped in a blanked and wearing my Swiss army jacked – because it’s cold. Listening to the sound of heavy teardrops falling from the crying sky, thundering on the leaves of a palm tree and splashing into the pool.
I woke up early with an knot in the stomach – maybe the burgers yesterday where not so good as they tasted. But then again, I seemed to be the only one affected. Now I feel better.
I declared this day to be my Sabbath. Not knowing what Sabbath relay is or how to act, never having kept one. It’s one of my few objectives for this adventure, to start keeping Sabbath. It nudged me since a long time that we try to keep gods commands but never bothered about the third of his laws. I have yet have to find out what Sabbath is about, how to handle it.
But something else is haunting my mind. Not knowing where to go or what to do next. Suddenly I have to ask myself – not only for this day, but also for those who follow – »How do I fill the time that’s given to me as a gift?«
It’s not as if I had a clear picture before I came here. Obviously I should have asked myself this questions long ago – but the swirling clockwork that we call life, with all its opportunities, duties and choices, drowned the small sound of the voice asking me this question.
I have some things I want to do here – learning Portuguese, paragliding, maybe learn how to ride a horse. But beyond that – how can I make a difference? Can I?
I’m excited to learn to listen to this small voice. To learn, sitting still and listening to the rain – without the European conscience that accuses me of doing nothing.
He lieber Noel, mit meinen zwei Brocken Englisch verstehe ich natürlich nicht alles, aber es tönt fast so, als ob es für dich an der Zeit sei, „stille“ zu werden, los zu lassen und sich zu ergeben. Ich wünsche dir dazu gelingen und versichere dir, dass das eine wertvolle Zeit sein wird. Das weiss Altmeister aus eigener Erfahrung ganz genau.
Das tönt super ….. (ausser das mit dem Knoten im Magen, besser?)
wunderbarer eintrag :) mein gedanke: lernen, nicht immer wissen zu MÜSSEN (another european pressure….?). you have just arrived; you’ve jumped into an infinite pool of possibilities — now all you have to do is be patient with yourself, be nice to yourself, and let yourself be submerged in the extraordinary…
or as woody allen put it: „ninety percent of life is just showing up.“
Bellerinli spricht mir aus dem Herzen. Slow doooooooown!
I’m glad to write you a message as a so called ‚Thought‘ on your great blog. I loved your entry here. very inspiring these thoughts about the sabbat and the european way of thinking.
wish you all the best and god’s bless!
greez from zurich :)